Hannah Bauer

The question is not if I’m ordering from the breakfast menu, it’s what I’m ordering from the breakfast menu. There are a lot of things I have in common with Leslie Knope, my love for breakfast foods being one of them.

I love breakfast foods so much that I almost couldn’t write this blog post. I kept looking at pictures of beautiful breakfasts around the world and tearing up, so moved was I by the glamor and allure of perfectly cooked bacon, fluffy eggs and golden-brown pancakes.

When work brings in the Pancake Man and ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

It’s been a big week for breakfast foods as we observed National Pancake Day on Tuesday. Move over, National Chicken Dance Day and International Lefthander’s Day, this is the kind of holiday I’m tryna celebrate. While there's really no going wrong where breakfast foods are concerned, I maintain that a person’s choice of fast-breaking nourishment is hugely telling. Here’s what your breakfast selection tells me about you:

Breakfast Burrito/Sandwich

You want it all, dammit, and you will not be denied.

Toast or Bagels

You’re probably pinched for time, possibly a little bit boring and definitely not afraid of carbs.

Pancakes, Waffles or French Toast

You want dessert for breakfast.

Cinnamon Rolls, Donuts or Muffins

You want dessert for breakfast and you’re in a hurry.


You fancy huh?

Yogurt or Fruit

You’re trying to make healthier choices...but at what cost?!


You are either old or out of better options.

Biscuits & Gravy

You’re livin’ large and not sorry ‘bout it.


You think you’re being virtuous, but you might as well just go for the Cookie Crisp.

“I Don’t Like Breakfast Food”

You don’t love yourself.

Seriously though, eat breakfast in the morning—the internet says so. Also consider eating it for lunch and/or dinner (“brinner” is gonna be all the rage in 2017, trust)—it’s freakin’ delicious.