Josh Gregg

This might be one of the worst Super Bowl match-ups in history solely because internet trolls everywhere are in paradise. (EDITOR’S NOTE: We can’t say “Super Bowl;” please edit before publishing.)

If we ignore the trolls for a second and let them live underneath their digital bridges, this SUPER BOWL (take that, “editor”) features the highest scoring offense (Atlanta Falcons average 33.8 ppg) versus the #1 scoring defense (New England Patriots only allow 15.6 ppg). This is a modern-day David versus Goliath in the form of “Golden Boy Tom Brady” versus “Unlikely MVP Matty Ice.” If that doesn’t set the stage for one of the most dramatic NFL finales in the last decade, I don’t know what would.

So if you’re cheering for the Patriots, you’re cheering for the three-point favorite and a four-time champion—which is fine, but the trolls will relish in aggressively reminding their newsfeeds that people weren’t wearing “blue and silver” until the Pats started winning 15 years ago and you weren’t a true fan then and you aren’t one now.

And if you plan on cheering for the Falcons? Well, you probably haven’t even washed that hat or that sweater yet, you bandwagon fan. “Seeing a lot of black and red all the sudden in Nebraska lately, hmmm,” opines the internet troll.

Remember to breathe, Facebook Guy, we get it. Step down from your digital soapbox of superiority for a second and save us the snarky posts. Maybe even consider thanking casual NFL fans who are mainly tuning in to form strong opinions about the Super Bowl ads so they have something to talk about at work on Monday. Thank them because in some way, shape or form they’re helping “your league” with ratings (which equates to ad dollars) and merch or ticket sales (which means more money for teams and the league overall).

Whew! Now that I got that off my chest, let’s talk about the Falcons. If your fannish allegiance is still up for grabs and you’re not quite sure who you want to win, let me lay out seven key reasons to cheer for #ATL.

  1. Casual fans rooting for an underdog they don’t know much about is one of the best parts of sports. This would be Atlanta’s first Super Bowl win…or the Patriots’ fifth. Carefully choose how you want this to go down.
  2. Hate Tom Brady? Well, a Sunday victory would definitively cement his legacy as the best QB to ever play in the NFL.
  3. Atlanta has only been to the Super Bowl twice (including this appearance) and doesn’t have anything to show for it yet—so if the Cubs can do it in 2017, why not “Double Down on the Dog” and cheer for the Falcons too?
  4. Former Atlanta running back, Jamal Anderson, invented one of the best touchdown celebrations ever. May I introduce to you The Dirty Bird?
  5. Coca-Cola is produced in Atlanta, GA. Delicious on its own, or downright awesome when mixed with whiskey or rum, you can’t go wrong with a Coke.
  6. Lady Gaga is the halftime performer and if ever there were a time for a “nip-slip moment” to rival that of Janet Jackson during Super Bowl 38, this would be it…okay, so reason #6 isn’t necessarily a “reason to root for Atlanta” but it certainly qualifies as a reason why the Big Game (EDITOR’S NOTE: Thank you.) is going to be action-packed from start to…at least the end of halftime.
  7. I like ending lists on an odd number. And this is my blog post, so…oh wait, I got one after all: Falcons are birds. Chickens are birds. Chickens are delicious. Birds forever. Bird is the word.

Okay, this post is about to jump the shark so let’s get down to This Writer’s Prediction: After you’re done looking up from your smartphone to see the final score it’ll be the Atlanta Falcons hoisting the Lombardi trophy for the first time in franchise history with a three-point overtime win—an unusually specific prediction, but if I’m right this blog post will go viral and I’ll be living on a yacht off royalties or something like that. Anyway, enjoy the game!